Arrested Development and the NBA

In remembrance of my favorite TV show, the now defunct series Arrested Development, I will examine which NBA players most closely share the traits of the main characters. Without further ado:

Michael Bluth- Steve Nash
The centerpiece of it all, Michael organizes the mess that is the Bluth family in a similar fashion to the way Steve Nash orchestrates the chaos that is a Phoenix Suns fast break. Both are unique within their surroundings, Michael seems to have gained a work ethic and selflessness despite most of his family having neither, while Nash is a pass-first, ego-free player in an era of gunners and prima donnas.

Gob Bluth- Gilbert Arenas
There is two ways I could have gone with this one, either the Gob is a big fucking loser angle, in which case I would have picked somebody like Stephon Marbury, or the Gob is just a lovable underdog whose accomplishments go unnoticed because of more popular siblings angle. I chose the latter. Gob is my favorite character on the show so I could not do him the great disservice of a Marbury comparison. Likewise Arenas, an Arizona alum, is one of my favorite players in the NBA. Gob has always been in the shadow of Michael and Lindsay, much like Arenas when it comes to the holy trinity of LeBron, Wade and Carmelo. Gob constantly has his family questioning and mocking his life as a magician, much like basketball pundits are always questioning Arenas' skill as a "true" point guard. Both have highs as well, Gob stuck the super-hot Spanish soap opera star "Martha 1" at the beginning of the first season and also successfully made the family's yacht "disappear" on the Girls With Low Self-Esteem video. Arenas hit a game-winning shot against the Bulls in the playoffs two years ago and made the All-Star team last season. And both have had their lows, Gob's failure to escape from prison as well as his constant crying come to mind, while Arenas' choke job on two free-throws against the Cavs in the playoffs last season was not his finest moment. Both are madly unpredictable and probably get a lot of poon as well, thus making them a fine match.

Lucille Bluth- Kobe Bryant
Wow, where to begin... obviously both live in Southern California, both are extremely unlikable and both have addiction problems (Lucille to alcohol and Kobe to douchebagginess). Lucille and Kobe both like to play people behind the scenes, pulling the necessary strings to get what they want. Lucille plays all of her children against one another, telling Lindsay one thing and Michael another in order to break up their alliance. Despite what he says, Kobe definitely got Shaq run out of town and likely Phil Jackson as well. They both put on an innocent face in public, disguising the fact that they are actually degenerates and the opposite of what they show. Sure, they will occasionally help someone out, but only as long as there is something in it for them. Lucille will do one of her kids a favor but rest assured she expects something in return, while Kobe likes to play the role of "mentor" to the younger Lakers but don't be fooled, he does not care about them or their development, he just likes hearing sportscasters and writers talk about how "mature" and "giving" he has become. Fuck Kobe and his fake charisma and modesty.

To be continued...