Fuck Season Previews

Yeah, so last night I was waiting for The Wire to start (sickest fucking show by the way) and decided that if I was going to finish all 30 teams I needed to get cracking. So anyway, I did the Wizards preview, gave some love to my boy Gilbert Arenas (UA alum), and was about to post it when something fucked up and it got erased. Seeing as how I did not want to re-write it, I got pissed off and scrapped the whole idea. 30 teams is a fucking lot and every asshole at espn or si or foxsports does a season preview so I don't want to be like one of those queers anyway. So fuck season previews. Here's a quick rundown of the rest:

Washington Wizards: This will be the season that determines whether Arenas is a superstar and franchise player or just another good scorer on a mediocre team.

L.A. Clippers: Is this the season Shaun Livingston stays healthy and delivers on his tantalizing potential? Time will tell but the Clippers are a good team that gave the Suns a serious run for their money last year. Signing Tim Thomas to a long-term deal was a mistake though. Elton Brand is an absolute beast.

Orlando Magic: Dwight Howard is an absolute monster, I have never seen someone so huge so young. He is like legit 7-foot and keeps getting bigger. He will definitely be the dominant defensive player in the league very soon. But his offensive game is still raw, which is why the Amare comparisons don't work. They are opposites, Amare was (sniff sniff) an unstoppable offensive player who could care less about defense while Howard struggles offensively but gets in people's asses on defense. I've also always liked Jameer Nelson's game. But why the fuck do you draft J.J. Redick in the first round?! Did they not watch the LSU game in tourney, that was a fucking NBA preview.

New Jersey Nets: How could a team with two UA alums (Richard Jefferson and Hassan Adams) not win the Larry O'brien trophy? Well, they have Vince Carter on their team for one. While he remains an exciting player he is already on the downslope of his overrated career and is content with receiving the most all-star votes and losing in the first round of the playoffs. He is a goddamn pussy and about as big a waste of talent as I have ever seen. My grandma has more heart and competitiveness in her left nut than he has in his entire body.

Miami Heat: Fuck Shaq, Fuck Shaq, Fuck Shaq, Wade's cool, and Fuck Shaq.

New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets: Pick a city and stick to it already, but Chris Paul is the future star point guard of the NBA once Nash hangs it up. I love watching him play and even though I don't like Peja he is a good fit for Paul's drive and kick game. David Stern, let the Birdman fly.

Memphis Grizzlies: Who the fuck cares. I wonder if any young black men in Memphis are going rock Rudy Gay jerseys. I'm curious to find out.

Houston Rockets: Will be decent until Tracy Mcgrady hurts his back again... chronic back injuries never go away and I'm sad that we never got to see what he could do when healthy and dominant.

Seattle Supersonics: Just a shitty team, Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis are going to get theirs but there's little else to be excited about if you are a Sonics fan. Go yuppyville U.S.A.

Golden State Warriors: I always liked Baron Davis, I did not realize he was such a cancer and coach killer. Maybe he gets his shit together this year and combined with Jason Richardson the Warriors could be somewhat mediocre.

Dallas Mavericks: Fuck Dallas... Dirk has been at his peak for 3 years now, he's maxed out, there just isn't anything more he can do with his limited athleticism. The fact that he threw Terry under the bus a couple years ago tells me he's not a great locker room guy and that, combined with the antics of Mark Cuban, tell me the team is due for a slide.

Denver Nuggets: Carmelo dominated team USA, which bodes well for the Nuggets. But I never like George Karl and I think having K-Mart around is a kiss of death and this team will once again make a quick exit from the playoffs.

Utah Jazz: AK-47 motherfuckers! In addition to having the coolest nickname in the league he is one of its most exciting players. The Jazz will be gritty as usual, might squeak in to playoffs, but have little hope for more than that.

Philadelphia 76ers: Iverson and Webber= match made in hell. I like Iverson, hate Webber, but neither one has what it takes at this point in their careers to carry a team. Unfortunately the Sixers have stunted UA alum Andre Iguodala's growth by relegating him to third fiddle behind the two. He has likely developed some bad habits that will be hard to shake once the two old farts move on. But I remain optimistic he will become at least an all-star solely based on his athleticism and passing ability.

Boston Celtics: Sebastian Telfair should be better than he is, and will likely never reach his potential because he shares a bloodline with Stephon Marbury. Expect a similarly underwhelming, yet ultimately less impressive career than his cousin.

Charlotte Bobcats: Adam Morrison is a poor fit with this team, as is having Michael Jordan on board. Despite having a solid core of average players this team will never develop because they just don't have enough talent to improve much. Jordan will eventually fuck it all up anyway.

San Antonio Spurs: Ginobali is getting old, Parker can't shoot, and Duncan is Duncan. This team will be great again but I think the window is starting to close. At least I hope it is.

Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron is going to get his, sell tickets and jerseys, make money and all that, but I question if he really wants to win sometimes. Regardless of where I think his heart lies, he is a ridiculous talent and a pleasure to watch and I hope for the league's sake he wins when it matters most.

Detroit Pistons: Letting Ben Wallace go was a mistake, he held that team together and didn' need the ball to dominate. With that being said I can see why they let him go and with the other four still around they will continue to be very good.

Milwaukee Bucks: Charlie Villanueva has no body hair.

Chicago Bulls: I love Tyrus Thomas. Yes, he is raw as sushi but I like his heart and his hustle and think he will be a perfect Scott Skiles player. He can learn from Ben Wallace how to best go about doing the dirty work and will eventually become a dominant defensive player.

L.A. Lakers: Fuck Kobe, Fuck Kobe, Fuck Kobe, Odom's cool, and Fuck Kobe. p.s. Kobe, say hi to Raja Bell, he will be in your head for as long as you play in the NBA. Get used to it.

Toronto Raptors: I think getting Bryan Colangelo from Phoenix was a genius move, he will make that team better. I hate that the Suns let him go. Chris Bosh is sick and T.J. Ford is decent. Team on the rise.

Minnesota Timberwolves: I feel terrible for KG. He has wasted away the prime of his career on a shitty team is now starting to show the wear and tear from so many years of being alone. I saw a KG for Amare trade rumor and at first I was like fuck no but as I start to think about it I kinda like it. I realize this is blasphemy because Amare is my favorite player, but his knee may never be right and Nash isn't getting any younger, so the time to win is now. KG is desperate to win a title and would kill himself for the cause, making him a perfect fit for the Suns. It is never going to happen but it should give you an idea of how much I like KG.

Sacramento Kings: UA's Bibby is about the only likable thing about this team, I hate Ron Artest and Brad Miller is ugly. I don't dislike Artest for the brawl, I'm kind of indifferent about that, I hate him for his ass-ugly game and dumbass music career. Fuck you Ron Artest, whatchu gon do bitch?

Atlanta Hawks: Former Sun Joe Johnson is the most underrated player in the NBA, and even though I hate him for leaving he will always have a special place in my heart. Love you JJ. And Salim Stoudamire is the dirtiest motherfucker ever to come out of the T-Town, if it wasn't for his head he'd be dropping 20 a game.

Indiana Pacers: Jermaine O'neal is good but has too many weaknesses to be a superstar. Stephen Jackson is just bat-shit crazy and that is actally pretty awesome.

Phoenix Suns: I'm a homer, big time, but I think this can be the Suns year. This team is so stacked that Amare doesn't even need to get back to his former self for them to win it all, he just has to come in and bang and hustle and that should be enough to put the Suns over the top. The usual suspects will do their thing, Nash, Shawn Marion (still underrated), Raja Bell. The keys will be Leandro Barbosa and Boris Diaw. Barbosa could eventually be a premier guard in the NBA, and mark my words, he will be. Diaw is just dirty and the two of them together can be the future of the Suns if Amare's knees don't get right. And if Amare does get back to 100% ? It's fucking over, seriously bitches. D'Antoni is too good of a coach to let egos derail this season and I can see the Suns gelling because of the adversity and that can only mean one thing... Phoenix Suns, 2007 NBA Champions!

NBA Season Preview

Due up: The New York Knickerbockers

After being taken under the wing of coaching extraordinare Larry Brown last season, Knicks players probably thought life couldn't get any better. But indeed they are twice blessed, as this season they will be led by a man who defines both leadership and class, Isiah Lord Thomas III (his real name, check wikipedia). In his previous role as general manager of the Knicks, Thomas has assembled arguably the finest roster in NBA history. The line-up is stacked with superstars such as Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis, Jerome James, and Mo Taylor, just to name a few. The most shrewd part of his acquisitions however, was the vision he possessed to build the Knicks around team-first guys with reasonable contracts. This has created both a cohesive locker room as well as roster flexibility because the Knicks remain well under the salary cap. He has also wisely held on to his draft picks in order to keep an influx of young talent coming in every season. Oh wait, he hasn't done any of those things, in fact quite the opposite. Not only has Isiah Thomas been almost inarguably the worst general manager in the history of professional sports, he is very close to running a once great franchise into the ground while spending absurd amounts of other people's money. Last year the Knicks had the highest payroll in the NBA by far, an astonishing $124 million dollars, and yet had the second WORST record in the league. This is especially troubling for the Knicks because, unlike baseball, the NBA has a little thing called a salary cap. The Knicks were nearly $75 million dollars over the cap last year and will have to pay over $60 million in penalties, so in essence the Knicks payroll in 2005-06 was right around $185 million dollars. Compare that to the Charlotte Bobcats, who not only won three more games than the Knicks but did so with a payroll that hovered around $30 million dollars. So Isiah's strategy was to spend 6x as much as the Bobcats in order to win less games, genius. Not only that, there is little hope on the horizon. In addition to possessing numerous untradeable contracts (that is because the only GM stupid enough to trade for them is Isiah Thomas, and he can't very well trade with himself, can he?), the Knicks are also without their first round pick this year because of the unbelievably stupid trade Isiah made for Eddy Curry, an overweight center with a heart problem, both literally and figuratively. On top of all that Isiah has been given one year to turn it around by owner James Dolan so he will no doubt pull out all the stops and add more even more payroll if he deems it necessary. It all adds up to an exciting year for New York Knicks fans, one that is delightful to watch the way liposuction is on Dr. 90210.

Outlook: Shit will hit the fan. The only thing worse than Stephon Marbury leading your team while on a tight leash is Stephon Marbury leading your team while he has free reign to do as he pleases. The Knicks roster could not be more mis-matched for one another, three shoot first point guards (Marbury, Francis, and Nate Robinson), two selfish gunners (Jamal Crawford and Jalen Rose), and two guys with big-time question marks about their health (Curry and Quentin Richardson). Throw in good for nothing Jerome James and you got yourself a team! The person I feel most for is Arizona alum Channing Frye, who not only will have to witness this disaster first-hand but will also have his growth stunted as a result of being a part of this ridiculous joke of a basketball team.

Get your shit together.

Why is it that every time we get excited about an athlete ascending to the realm of superstardom, steroids always seems to creep around the corner and donkey punch us with the most vicious of swings? Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Justin Gatlin, and now Shawne Merriman. As we all have heard, Shawne Merriman is facing a 4 game suspension for using performance-enhancing drugs. He has appealed and will await his ruling in early November. He has taken the Barry Bonds stance and proclaimed he took it inadvertently. My beef isn't with the fact that he took an illegal substance, either on purpose or not. I'm just pissed cuz the dumbass was stupid enough to get caught. Let's face it, we've all become numb to hearing about all the athletes who have turned to steroids. I have come to terms with that the fact that 98% of pro athletes are on some kind of illegal juice. In my mind, if 'roided pitchers are pitching to 'roided batters and 'roided linebackers are blowing up 'roided halfbacks, it all equals out. But with the seemingly ample amount of cheating athletes, you would think that they would share some tips on how not to get caught. As of right now, even though I am still firmly attached to Merriman's nuts, I have lost all respect for him because he's stupid enough to get caught. I'm not even sure if I'm trying to make a point, I'm just mad that these dumbasses are getting caught and robbing us of portions of the primes of their careers.

NBA Season Preview

Intermittently over the next week or so I will preview all 30 teams in the NBA. Posts will be in random order and infrequent because I have better things to do.

First up: Portland Trail Blazers (because they suck ass and are Josh's favorite team)

Where to begin... well I suppose any discussion of the Blazers (he he) has to begin with the dynamic duo of Darius Miles and Zach Randolph. Both carry the baggage of 10 year veterans despite being just 25 years old, that's impressive. Unfortuantely that has been about their only accomplishment in the NBA. Over the past couple years the Blazers have tried desperately to rid their roster of bad character guys and malcontents, i.e. Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire, Bonzi Wells, Ruben Patterson etc. etc. Miles and Randolph are the last two standing, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid holed up in the house with the entire Bolivian Army outside if you will. The Blazers inability to rid themselves of Darius and Zach (pretty Abercrombie names for two wanna-be thugs if you ask me) has created an interesting dynamic on their roster. The Blazers, thanks to their god-awful play the past couple years, do have a roster stacked with young first-round draft picks. But that talent will never develop with Miles dominating the rock and Randolph punching the young'n's lights out at practice. So they're fucked, basically, unless they can get rid of Miles and Randolph, which isn't likely since they are both in the middle of ridiculous contracts; Miles is in the third year of a 6-year $48 million dollar deal and Randolph is laughing at the Blazers all the way to the bank as he is in just the third year of a 10-year $90 million dollar deal. Wow, it is shocking just to write that last one out. Good work by the Blazers personnel department.

Prediction: Proper fucked; early front-runners for the #1 pick in the 2007 draft. Adding Greg Oden to that roster will definitely help, NOT. The Blazers are going to be fucked for a long time with those contracts.

Brett Favre is the Anti-Christ (and other related information)

I fucking hate Brett Favre. There I said it, what are you going to do John Madden, you little bitch? I'm talking to you too Chris Berman, you fat, played out motherfucker. Why do I hate Brett Favre? Let me count the ways...

1) The media's insane obsession with him, it's to the point where he can do no wrong. If he throws a pass off his back foot 40 yards downfield into triple coverage? It is just Brett being a "gunslinger," if he rockets a ball to his fullback standing three feet from him in the flat? That's just his gunslinger mentality. He still makes rookie mistakes despite playing in the NFL for 14 years, yet receives nothing but compliments from the talking heads. The fact that he continues to hold on to the last shreds of his career even though it is crippling his team because they can never re-build with him around is cited as proof of his passion for the game, when in fact it is little more than selfishness. He is probably worried that if he doesn't have football he will just spend all day taking pain medication like the junkie he is. Fuck Brett Favre, he has been sucking up the N.F.L. for far too long. It's not even a Willie Mays situation where everybody should be sad for him. He is just a huge douche and has always been overrated. I never liked him when he was "good" because he was just a big fish in a little pond, and he liked it that way because all those obese Wisconsinites stroked his ego like no other.

2) I hate Brett Favre because he got paid $10 million last year to throw 29 interceptions and lead his team to a 4-12 record. And yet despite that he was given an 88 overall rating in Madden and will fuck your shit up every time, with his goddamn QB vision stretching all the way from Green Bay to his dilapidated shanty home in Mississippi that may or may have been destroyed by that racist bitch Katrina.

3) Brett Favre is 2-5 in the postseason since 1998. Talk about big time players stepping up when it matters most. He fucking threw SIX interceptions in a blowout loss to the Rams in 2001 and yet that was the same year in which he signed a "lifetime contract" with the Packers and became the first player in NFL history to receive a $100 million dollar contract. Really? Brett Favre deserved to be the highest paid player in NFL history, does that make sense to anyone besides fat Green Bay sluts?

4) Everybody seems to forget that Brett Favre, the super-competitor that he is, laid down like a bitch and let Michael Strahan mount him in order to record the all-time single season sack record (above). If Michael Vick had done this people would have been all up in arms about how records should have integrity and all this bullshit. But since it was Favre it was alright. In a revelation that sheds some light on the situation, a rumor has surfaced in the past couple years that Strahan may be gay, or at least bi-sexual. This clears up any confusion about what Favre got out of the deal. But the question remains... is he a giver or a taker?

5) When asked if he was going to help mentor a young QB, in this case Aaron "Soul Patch" Rodgers, Favre basically said it wasn't his job to help young players, his job was to play football. He said it as smugly as possible and was completely serious in that he wanted no part of teaching Rodgers. Wrong dickhead, while your job may be to play football (which you don't do very well anyway so you should be fired) you are also a veteran in a position to help someone as I'm sure you were helped centuries ago, so just be a good guy and give the kid a few pointers.

6) Most of all I hate the on again, off again, I will retire, I won't retire, I'll think about it drama that goes on for the entire NFL offseason. Shit or get off the pot motherfucker. If I hear one more story about Brett Favre's possible retirment I am going to break that pussy's hip.

I fucking hate Brett Favre.

Other people I hate:

Stephen A. Smith- Shut the fuck up already. Get off the air and crawl back to the shit-hole you came from. EVERYTHING YOU FUCKING SAY IS NOT IMPORTANT! Despite how loudly you may yell it. And naming your gay show after an annoying phrase you mutter constantly is not creative, it is just stupid.

Joe Buck- Just an arrogant prick living off his daddy's name. Getting all flustered because Randy Moss PRETENDED to moon the crowd isn't being the mature voice of reason, it is just proving that you are a little queer who grew up with playing with dolls and calling boys gross .

Shaquille O'Neal- I fucking hate garbage ass Shaq. He has been playing professional basketball for 17 years (counting college) and has yet to develop anything that could be confused as a basketball skill. How is that even possible? If you were to give any person on earth that combination of size and quickness they would be in the same position he is, likely higher, because they wouldn't be, you know, retarded. Not working hard even though you are getting paid $25 million a year makes you a giant waste of god-given ability in my book. And on top of that you make shitty movies and even shittier rap songs. The thing I hate most is that he thinks he is so fucking hilarious, even though his lame-ass jokes are only being laughed at by nerdy sportswriters who are just happy to be around a non-threatening black man. "That Shaq, he's a hoot isn't he, so quick to smile, and he is just so darn witty." The people that laugh at him are the same people who laugh at Carrot Top. Shaq is just a big pile of retarded shit, and yet thinks he is fucking Mel Brooks or something. Learn how to shoot a 3 foot jump shot you stupid fuck.

Kobe Bryant- Since they are forever linked, I will also put them together. I am not sure who I hate more. My raging contempt is nearly equal for both, but if I had to choose one I think it'd be have to be Kobe. His cockiness is almost unparalleled in sports (an amazing thing to think about), as well as his pussiness. I have never seen somebody so suited for the NBA. He can do as much dirty shit as he wants without fear of repercussions because the league protects its stars to such an insane degree. But take one look at his fight with Chris Childs and you'll see what I'm talking about. Not to mention he is attempting to ruin the game of basketball. His selfishness is almost shocking at times, even by NBA standards. I think he is perfectly content to lead the league in scoring with crappy teammates because the he gets all the publicity and can blame them for the losses. It's win-win for him. Everytime I see him play and have to watch his punk-ass mannerisms it makes me want to punch the TV. Raja Bell did the world a service by clotheslining him. I seriously applauded. But then he stood up and "brushed" off his shoulders and dragged me back into his world of douchebaggery. Not to mention he used to be the media's squeaky clean bitch and spoke Italian while pitching his ugly-ass shoes, then got charged with rape and immediately transformed himself. He got a tattoo, started wearing Ice, and started acting black. He is the fakest bitch I've ever seen.

Shoot me in the head

I do not have the words to express how I feel right now. Goddamn Fucking Arizona Motherfucking CockSucking Bitch Ass Pussy Ball Blowing Reverse Space-Docking Hermaphrodite Cardinals. Fuck, that doesn't even begin to express it. I seriously hate the fucking Cardinals. My allegiance to America's worst franchise has never been a secret, but especially now it makes me want to hold my head in shame. At least the Clippers make the playoffs every now and again. Tonight combined with the Kansas City and St. Louis games makes me seriously contemplate gouging out my eyeballs with rusty nail just so I will never subject myself to this misery again. The fucking Arizona motherfucking Cardinals. If I was Matt Leinart, Anquan Boldin, Adrian Wilson or anybody on the defense for that matter, I would put six bullets in a gun, cock it, put one right in the back of each member of the offensive line's head, put one right between Neil fucking Rackers' eyes and then tear apart his lifeless body, then calmly re-load and put six in Warner's head just for the hell of it. I can't even write anymore without throwing my laptop out of the third-story window. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Good Hands?

Terrell (I refuse to call him T.O. just to spite that bitch) Owens has every physical tool you'd want in a wide receiver, i.e. size, strength, athleticism as well as cockiness, toughness and insane healing power (ahem Steroids ahem). But one thing he does not have in spades is good hands, I'd call them average at best. Throughout his career he has had spells of the dropsies, and even in the recent ESPN the Magazine article about him they quoted a scout from back in his college days who said everything else was an A but that his hands were a C-. Plus I fucking hate him because he's a little bitch and the Cowboys are America's Douche. But he did hook me up fat in fantasy this week so GO TERRELL!

I have lost my childhood innocence.

Allow myself....to introduce....myself. I am completing the infamous triumvirate commonly known as the Gangbang Three; Dolly Parton you know what I'm talking about. I am Omar, otherwise known as Bin Laden, Raghead, Muslim, etc., etc. As my first gift I choose to bestow upon this God-forsaken plain of the internet that Cameron has launched, I have chosen to out my boyhood hero as the horrible man he really is. Why have you done this Don? Why? You were my hero and you go and do some poop like that? You big poop mouth. The poop...in your mouth...




http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/johnson%20caught%20with%20teen%20porn%20star_1010884

Fucking Twins, like Mary-Kate and Ashley!

We got some muscle round here

Because I am skinny and white I have found that it is crucial to surround myself with the biggest people possible, preferably black, for safety reasons. Well few are bigger and blacker than my boy Corday, who by the way looks exactly like Mike Williams, obese receiver for the Detroit Lions. Now I will actually have someone funny posting on this shit, so lets kick this bitch off.

Random thoughts

This is going to be a pretty crazy weekend so I don't know if I'm going to get any time to post, so I'll just give some random thoughts:


Just saw The Departed, pretty fucking sick. I had to see it because it looked sick and Martin Scorcese directed Goodfellas, best movie of all time. So yeah, it lived up to the hype, Leondardo DiCaprio is kind of a badass in it, I'm not going to lie. The bitch is hot too, and there is plenty of motherfuckers getting their wigs split, nawhatimsayin? Yeah, there's definitely more busted skulls than you can shake your dick at.

Arizona better fucking win at Stanford this weekend, but its going to be interesting to see how this little stat works out... Arizona can't run the ball, at all, like -24 in their past four games, like the worst fucking running game you've ever seen, but Stanford can't stop the run, like at all, like the worst rushing defense in the country, ranked 117th out of 117 teams in NCAA in stopping the run. So something has to give. We'll see. "Midnight Madness" was tonight, but at like 7 o'clock, how gay is that? I remember staying up late to go as a little kid, youngins are pussies these days. I guess Chase Budinger, a white guy of all things, won the dunk contest. Not surprising considering he has ridiculous hops but you knew they were going to give it to him no matter what he did, I was told my boy Fendi-Cent got robbed and I don't doubt it, motherfuckers always trying to keep the black man down. I guess the highlight of the night was when one of the twin bitches on the basketball team took her turn in the dunk contest. I know what you're thinking, a bitch in the dunk contest? but these sluts are tall, tall as fuck, I have them both in my Nats and they are legit 6'7'', that's ridiculous. But anyway, I guess one of them went up to dunk and got hung and fell parallel to the floor like 5 feet in the air right on her back and arm. The whole place got quiet as fuck and then she got up all hurt. What the fuck, talk about a buzzkill, that's why girls can't be a part of anything cool or fun, they just fuck it up and get hurt and cry and pin themselves trying to dunk and ruin the fun for everybody. Selfish bitch.

That's all I have, I'm going to write a paper on a Friday fucking night, how gay is that, I'm going to hell for the girls basketball comment. Later

Our Lord and Savior

Tuitama

The namesake of this blog (well not really, I guess his mom would be) is possibly out for the season after suffering a couple of concussions as I mentioned earlier. For those of you who do not know Willie Tuitama is the sophomore savior at quarterback for the downtrodden Arizona football team. All the hype stems from his play last year, when he was pulled from his redshirt 7 games into the season and quickly improved the Cats, even leading them to a 52-14 win over then #7 UCLA. His popularity on campus was amazing last year after the UCLA game and I would be shocked if he didn't contract at least a half-dozen STD's during the sexcapades that surely followed. But I digress, he was hailed as the freshman phenom and was supposed to make Arizona football legit again, something that has not occured this year at all, even before the concussions. We hope he eventually fulfills this promise because we all need something to do in the time before basketball season, and watching a decent football team would be nice.

Also, I have never seen or heard anything about Tuitama's mom, for all I know he could be the orphan love-child of Sigfried and Roy, but the name will stick nonetheless and I apologize if his mom has croaked already or something fucked up like that, don't beat my ass in Classics Willie.

The Creation of This Monumental Blog

Yeah, so basically I go to the University of Arizona and am a journalism student there. That's about it. I created this just to procrastinate and also just to rant about what I see and hear, pretty straightforward. It will be primarily sports, with a UA angle possibly, and then whatever else I see or hear. Since anybody reading this no doubt got here accidently I apologize for the inconvenience, some actual interesting and funny sports commentary can be found at deadspin.com or kissmesuzy.blogspot.com, both places I read regularly. I am just here for my own amusement

Fucking bullshit exam

Well, I'm at t-minus 40 minutes until my mid-term for my dumbass gen-ed science class, so of course this is as perfect a time as any to write about nothing. Fuck.

Random thoughts on sports this weekend:

+What the fuck is going on with that this Corey Lidle shit? That is fucking bizarre as hell, combine that with the T.O.D. bullshit a couple weeks ago and it's been a weird time in sports. When did athletes start going all crazy? No one really seems to be giving any info on why Lidle was flying a small plane in the middle of downtown Manhattan, is this not really out of the ordinary? I don't know but I would have assumed that after 9/11 there would be restrictions in place about flying a plane over New York, so either he is just the world's shittiest pilot or something else happened. My guess, not based on any facts or common sense mind you, is that he was drunk and wanted to fly over the city. We'll see.

+UA plays Stanford this week, which basically means that if they lose this game there will surely be a riot in Tucson and Stoops will be getting his job called for. Oft-concussed QB Willie Tuitama (The inspiration for the name of this site, which I guess I haven't really explained, basically it rhymed and seemed mildly humorous at the moment) is out for the game and possibly the season. 2 concussions in only a couple of weeks can't be good for the old noggin' but its not as though he is a Rhode's Scholar or anything, I say put him back out there and win the damn game you pansie underacheivers. Then again he just hasn't been the same this year as he was his freshman year (maybe because of the concussions?) so he is no sure thing. Whatever. I've already begun counting down until basketball season.

I'm off to take this exam, Sorry the posts are so shitty and not funny, I promise this shit'll get better when I actually have some time to think about what I'm doing. Holla

The mad real sports blog

Welcome non-existent readers, this is the mad real sports blog (cue outdated and overused Chappelle's Show saying). Basically this is happening right now for two reasons, a) it is mid-term week so I'm always on my laptop because theoretically I'm being good college student and studying hard, and b) I am probably the world's worst procrastinator so instead of studying hard I am creating a pointless blog that no one will ever read. That is it. Also I love sports and and love to rant so a sports blog seems like the perfect combination of the two. Basically I like to waste time so this is the result. That was about 10 sentences longer than it had to be... oh well, I'm still a blirgin. That's Blog Virgin for those of you who don't understand simple combination words that make the person saying them sound like a really nerdy dumbass. Perfect example is my "friend" Josh, basically he's our bitch, but he said the stupidest shit when we were all talking about drama-comedy movies for some inane reason I have no idea why, but he said "dramady" and "coma." Pretty gay but also pretty funny if you know Josh, which you don't, because you don't exist. (Every time I write "you" I feel like a big retard loser because I am not actually talking to anybody.

So yeah, the past 5 minutes have been completely pointless, procrastination at its finest! It won't be a gay paragraph in the future I promise, nothing but hard-hitting original sports opinions from now on. As if there aren't enough people giving their opinions on sports already. HOLLA BACK HOs